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These 14 Psychosocial Skills Can Make You A More Likable Person - Popcrony

These 14 Psychosocial Skills Can Make You A More Likable Person

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Likability: is it an innate ability or is it something under your control?

We may be tempted to think that highly likable people have some innate abilities or secret tricks they pull to become likable. Well, we are right about the latter but wrong about the former. Likability is a skill that can be learned and honed, just like any other skill.

Several research have been able to prove that indeed all it takes to be more likable is the ability to pick up a few key social skills that build emotional intelligence.

Here are 11 psychosocial skills you can use immediately to become more likable.

1.Use signalling

The signal amplification bias suggests that people tend to think their social cues are obvious but, in fact, they are not.

For instance, we often assume that others understand our goals and what we’re trying to accomplish, when in fact they don’t typically have a clue. The reality is most of what we say and do every day is open to multiple interpretations—and when other people try to figure out what we really mean, they’re apt to guess wrong.

Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioural investigator writing on why signalling is crucial to likability asked this question:

” How many direct glances does a woman have to make before her intended will approach her?

a. 2

b. 5

c. 9

d. 13

The answer is D. 13! Yes, 13 glances. I don’t know about you, but my friend looks at a guy once maybe twice, and if he doesn’t come over, she assumes he doesn’t like her. If you don’t signal likability enough, people will assume you don’t like them and then they will have trouble liking you.” she writes.

The point is we often mistakenly think people know when we like them, and we are bias like this because of our fear of rejection. However if we made it unmistakably clear that we like people , then more people will end up liking us. If there’s someone you’d like to be friends with, start talking to them. It could be just the thing they were waiting for.

2. Keep eye contact

When in a conversation, try to keep eye contact. Why? Because keeping eye contact with the person you are talking to indicates interest and saying to the person “You are important and I am listening”.

With your eyes you can show emotion, build connection, indicate interest and can convey all those likability signals like warmth, trust openness, competence. It shows that you’re paying attention even even when you can’t give someone what they are asking for or can’t be of particular help.


3. Smile

Generally, people are hesitant to approach someone who is frowning but are naturally drawn to people who smile. A smile can not only make you feel better, but it can also make other people feel less stressed too.

When you smile you come across as friendly and approachable.

Instead of using severe or negative facial expressions like frowns, scowls, and grimaces to push people away. Use the attraction power of your smile to draw people in, you’ll be more likable and make more friends.


4. Call people by their name

“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie.

What’s in a name?

” A person’s name is the greatest connection to their own identity and individuality… It is the one way we can easily get someone’s attention. It is a sign of courtesy and a way of recognizing them” writes Joyce E.A. Russell for the Washington Post


5. Mirror body language and speech patterns

When we meet others for the first time, we need to assess quickly whether they are positive or negative towards us, just as most other animals do for survival reasons. We do this by scanning the other person’s body to see if they will move or gesture the same way we do in what is known as ‘mirroring’. We mirror each other’s body language as a way of bonding, being accepted and creating rapport, but we are usually oblivious to the fact that we are doing it, says this articleon body language dimensions.

Mirroring and social synchronization is powerful tool for building feelings of affinity and connection. It makes others feel at ease. It can help build – rapport where the parties involved end up with the same stance, facial expression, speech patterns, body posture etc. It can even extends to simultaneous blinking, nostril-flaring, eyebrow-raising and even pupil dilation. However it’s said to be generally good when working with peers — not when you’re working with superiors.


6. Stroke their ego

Everyone has an innate desire to be accepted and those who make us feel accepted are those we want to associate with.

Les Giblon, in his book“How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People,”highlights some basic facts about people:

1. Everyone is an egoist.

2. Everyone is more interested in themselves than anything else.

3. Everyone wants to feel important and to amount to something’.

4. Everyone craves approval from others so they can approve of themselves.

So flatter people but not too much , compliment them , make them feel good, make them feel needed and appreciated.

One way to make people feel effective and valuable, is to ask questions that allows them to focus on what is meaningful about themselves and their lives, letting someone share a story or two about their life instead of blabbing about yours could give them more positive memories of your interaction.

7. Use the power of touch

“When approaching a stranger for the first time, try demonstrating warmth by leaving your arms relaxed, preferably with the ventral side exposed and perhaps even with the palms of your hands clearly visible. This is a very powerful way of sending the message, “Hello, I mean no harm” to the other person’s limbic system. It is a great way of putting the other person at ease and facilitating any interaction that follows,” writes Joe Navarro ,an expert on nonverbal communication and a former FBI counterintelligence Agent on PsychologyToday

According to Forbes , only 23 percent of the unsuspecting subjects set up in an experiment by researchers at the University of Minnesota admitted they had found lost money when approached by someone saying the money was theirs, however , if the researcher touched the elbow of the subject when inquiring about the money, the percentage of those admitting possession rose to 68 percent—and they often looked embarrassed, with explanations like “I was just looking around to see who lost the money.”

A University of Mississippi and Rhodes College experiment studied the effects of interpersonal touch on restaurant tipping, and had some waitresses briefly touch customers on the hand or shoulder as they were returning their change.

The results: customers who weren’t touched left an average tip of 12%. Tips increased to 14% from those who were touched on the shoulder, and to 17% from those touched twice on the hand.

When you touch someone during a conversation, it may be a simple touch on the shoulder, a hug, or a friendly handshake, you release oxytocin in their brain, a neurotransmitter that makes their brain associate you with trust and a slew of other positive feelings. Of course, you have to touch the right person in the right way to release oxytocin, as unwanted or inappropriate touching has the opposite effect.


8. Actively Listen

Simply hearing words doesn’t cut it. Likable people show that they’re listening to the person they’re talking to.

Active listening requires four steps, writes Quora user Chiassonhearing, interpreting, evaluating, and responding.

Step one requires dropping what you’re doing and paying attention. Next, “paraphrase what you’ve heard and ask clarifying questions,” she suggests. Evaluating means steering clear of quick judgment and jumping to conclusions: ” Make sure you have all the pertinent information before forming or expressing an opinion.” Finally, ” give feedback to let the speaker know that you heard them,” she writes.

9. Use the Benjamin Franklin effect

The Benjamin Franklin effect is a psychological phenomenon that explains why people wind up liking you more when they do you a favor.

So how did this theory came about?

Supposedly, Benjamin Franklin had a hater – someone he considered a “gentleman of fortune and education” who would probably become influential in government.

In order to recruit the hater to his side, Franklin decided to ask the man if he could borrow one of the books from his library. The man was flattered and lent it; Franklin returned it one week later with a thank-you note.

The next time they saw each other, the man was exceedingly friendly to Franklin and Franklin said they stayed friends until the man died.

Researchers suspects that the Ben Franklin effect works because of “cognitive dissonance”, which suggests that holding two or more contradictory beliefs at the same time causes people to experience mental discomfort, which manifests as psychological stress. According to this theory, people seek to minimize their cognitive dissonance. So we find it difficult to reconcile the fact that we did someone a favor and we hate them, so we assume that we like them.

10. Be true to your word

By doing what you say you will do , you increase show you can be trusted and that you are reliable, it also increases your respect and self-worth, all these are qualities that will make you more likable.


11. Don’t jump to conclusions

Don’t jump to conclusions or act judgemental or with a dismissive attitude towards other people, they will most likely return the same negative feelings towards you.


12. Use the Similarity Attraction Effect.

According to a classic study by Theodore Newcomb, people are more attracted to those who are similar to them. This is known as the similarity-attraction effect.

The similarity attraction effect embodies the popular adage, “birds of a feather flock together. In a nutshell, we like people who are like us. So a simple way to be more likable is to associate with those who has shared values, interests and goals as ours.


13. Spend more time with the people you want to like you.

The Mere Exposure Effect, suggests that people tend to like other people who are familiar to them.

If you want someone to like you, then how would they if you don’t give them a chance to? Research suggests that people tend to favor people they’ve seen before—even if they didn’t interact—over those they’ve never laid eyes on. And, the more they see those individuals the more they like them


14. End a conversation right

Finally, your final words can leave a lasting impression on a person, so use them right.

Try sending people off with a genuine remark like, been great talking with you. Thank you for sharing your experience” , “I enjoyed getting to know you,” “I hope you enjoy the rest of your day,” Or, “I’ll remember our conversation.”

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